[Dimitri nods. As he recalls what happened in Gronder Field, a look of sorrow forms on his face. He doesn't comment on Dedue's fate; but he is at least somewhat relieved that he managed to continue living even when he himself didn't.]
Yes... Suffice it to say I was in a rather...twisted state of mind at the time. Professor Byleth and Gilbert wanted to join forces with the Alliance, as well, but the messenger we sent there was murdered and his body left for us to find. It put us into a difficult position, because we couldn't trust the Alliance after that -- and after we seized the Great Bridge, as we came into direct conflict with Gloucester troops there.
It was after that battle that everything changed. Before the battle at Gronder, we picked up a young woman who begged to take part in the war effort to avenge her brother. It was a trick -- she blamed me for her brother's death. But she tried to murder me while my back was turned. If it weren't for Lord Rodrigue...
[Dimitri takes a deep breath. He has to calm himself when thinking about what happened to Rodrigue.]
Lord Rodrigue threw himself between my assailant and me. He was mortally wounded. Professor Byleth cut down the would-be assassin, and Lord Rodrigue...bled out in my arms. I blamed myself for his death, even though he told me with his dying words not to. That night I was prepared to depart for Enbarr alone and fight the Empire until I died from exhaustion.
Professor Byleth stopped me. He reached out to me, and told me that I should live for myself -- act according to my own wishes, rather than chain myself to the dead. I was finally able to listen. Truth be told, I...I never wanted to exact revenge. I felt I was obligated to, as someone who lived while the people he loved died around him. But I felt that by doing so I would become an irredeemable monster. That conflict between my duty and my morals -- that was what drove me to the edge of reason.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-02-08 01:30 am (UTC)Yes... Suffice it to say I was in a rather...twisted state of mind at the time. Professor Byleth and Gilbert wanted to join forces with the Alliance, as well, but the messenger we sent there was murdered and his body left for us to find. It put us into a difficult position, because we couldn't trust the Alliance after that -- and after we seized the Great Bridge, as we came into direct conflict with Gloucester troops there.
It was after that battle that everything changed. Before the battle at Gronder, we picked up a young woman who begged to take part in the war effort to avenge her brother. It was a trick -- she blamed me for her brother's death. But she tried to murder me while my back was turned. If it weren't for Lord Rodrigue...
[Dimitri takes a deep breath. He has to calm himself when thinking about what happened to Rodrigue.]
Lord Rodrigue threw himself between my assailant and me. He was mortally wounded. Professor Byleth cut down the would-be assassin, and Lord Rodrigue...bled out in my arms. I blamed myself for his death, even though he told me with his dying words not to. That night I was prepared to depart for Enbarr alone and fight the Empire until I died from exhaustion.
Professor Byleth stopped me. He reached out to me, and told me that I should live for myself -- act according to my own wishes, rather than chain myself to the dead. I was finally able to listen. Truth be told, I...I never wanted to exact revenge. I felt I was obligated to, as someone who lived while the people he loved died around him. But I felt that by doing so I would become an irredeemable monster. That conflict between my duty and my morals -- that was what drove me to the edge of reason.